Tips for supporting someone during their recovery
Recovery’ can be a long and difficult process. It can be hard to know how to best support someone whilst they are on their journey. Below are some basic things that you can do to help this process along.
An alcoholic who drinks on a daily basis may need medical support and should not stop drinking suddenly as this can be dangerous. Seek medical advice and support from a GP before trying an Alcohol detox at home.
The Importance of support.
Growing research is showing that support by those that are close to the addict can have a significant impact on the success of their recovery. It can be hard to know what to do at times and you can feel powerless over the addiction
Even though we are powerless over others behaviours, we are able to show them that we love and care for them. - Even if they are unable to accept that there is a problem with their behaviours or in their relationships (denial can be a powerful coping mechanism)
Use compassion. Show them by a gentle touch or a non-judgemental look. Let them know that although you may not fully understand what they are going through, you do care and that you are there for them.
Join them on their journey by trying to understand the suffering they may feel. Walk alongside them without judgement. Gently acknowledge and kindly praise positive outcomes.
Know that recovery is a journey: And it is different for everyone. Like a journey it can take some time for the person addicted to learn new ways of coping and to discard old habits. For some this can be quite a fast process, for others it may take longer. Try and be patient, rushing or pushing is mostly met with resistance and could leave the user subconsciously pushing back. This is their journey - yours is a different one!
Guilt and Shame: All those that suffer from addictions and seek help, already feel enough guilt and shame around their using. They feel bad enough that they are in this situation and in most cases realise the effect it has on others. Those that are addicted are good people with a bad illness. Accept them for who they are. Simple acknowledgement without judgement can be very helpful. Do not place blame as negative feelings can be unhelpful. We are trying to raise self-esteem & self-worth.
Knowledge is power: Find out what you can about addiction and the substances or behaviours involved. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is worse than the reality and an informed support network is better placed to help.
Don’t enable using behaviours: Sometimes it can feel helpful to buy drugs or alcohol or to place a bet on for those that we care about. Sometimes it can feel too painful or scary to say “NO”. By enabling or colluding with those that are using, we are just making their problems worse and prolonging their pain. It is OK to say “No”.
Part of the addicts recovery is them taking full responsibility for their actions. If we rescue them, then they are less likely to rescue themselves. - Remind them that you love them, or care for them and that you hear what they are asking for, however to best help them you must maintain strong boundaries.*
Detach with love: Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives - the desire to control others.Ultimately we are powerless to control others anyway. Most family members of an addicted person have been trying to change that person for a long time, and it hasn't worked. Give them space.
We must allow another to learn from their mistakes as it is how they grow.
Effective communication: Being able to communicate in a healthy way can be beneficial to all involved with addiction. It is OK not to all agree on the same thing, we just need to understand each others point of view. Listen, really Listen.
When trying to get your point across begin with “I feel..” instead of “you”. Remember that all feelings and opinions are valid. Effective communication reduces mis-understanding and allows all those involved to feel heard.
*Remember: Caring about somebody is different from care-taking. It is not our job to look after them, it’s our job to look after ourselves. We can be there for them, only if we are there for ourselves. However, never put yourself in danger and always seek support if addiction has had any effect on you.
Living with addiction can be difficult and hard to understand. It can take it’s toll on all of those involved. Support and self-care is just as important for you as it is for the addict.